The Lesson of Carpe Diem

There exist in this world, those who would conquer it by nothing other than lessons to be learned. There exist also, however, those who should in all rights never learn, lest their lessons lead them away from living. For by learning, their souls escape their body, a little more each time until when, at the height of their knowledge, their souls have all but left them; and with their souls, their dreams vanish into the oblivion of folly. With each turn of a page, the world we all knew as children slides slowly away, or rather, is pushed from their minds to make room for the thing that is more socially acceptable. For they realize that within the small area of a human mind, no two things so large as dreams and reality can ever coincide.

There is nothing obviously different from these few and the rest of humanity at large, nothing so unique as to cause them to be pointed out as a separate group. The minute irregularity is they have held onto their dreams rather than allow them to be hidden away from them in their youth. They held onto the things that society tells them they cannot have, and with each retelling, the things are torn from their hands as if to keep them from harming themselves with these ideas...these dreams.

Carpe Diem...seize the day...a source of hope for some, a curse for others. For some, it encourages them to live their "dreams"; to grasp at the things that are unobtainable to them, yet they wish were possible. For the true dreamer though, it encourages them to run from them. For they know that their dreams could be made reality with only a little child-like faith. For these, it is only in running away that their dreams remain a reality, and because of this it is only in their nightly peace, when the world is quiet in their minds, that they can draw close to their dreams.

They have not let reality set in, nor let their paths to be decided by fate, nor by any other person or thing on this earth, but by themselves, and yet, it is only they that hold themselves in check. For they have discovered that there are some dreams that are not to be realized. If they could, they would not hesitate to escape to another world where reality is suspended and all their dreams would come to fruition...but this is not that world.

What I Have Learned of Love from Love Itself

This is sort of a far cry from my usual blog posts in that it is not poetry, nor is it a fictional writing. It is merely what is on my heart tonight. At first it seems very pathetic and self-centered, but I promise there is a reason...a point that is much bigger than me that will come to be seen as it draws near the end, so please, read it all.

Love. Our society has destroyed the once beautiful meaning of this relational bond and has replaced it with a watered down feeling. I will not attempt to define this word now though; that will come later.

I believe that I have truly loved in my 19 years on this earth, and the love I have found is not that portrait that society paints. If we were to truly experience what society calls "love" we would experience an instantaneous feeling in a moment of perfect alignment of fates when all is at its best and nothing is going wrong. The lack of negativity is important in what society portrays of love, for if something goes wrong, it is no longer love, but has become misjudgment or a misinterpretation. So, where does that leave me? What has my love been like?

So often, we expect a process of positive exchange...we give something good, we are given something good in return. That is not, however, how love always works. I have loved and only been taken advantage of in return, I have loved someone who did not love me in return, I have given support in love for those who were never there to give support for me, I have loved someone enough to turn them away when it was not the best thing, I have loved enough to pour my heart out looking only for someone to help me and was seemingly left to myself, and, to be honest, I became very discouraged. I wondered if it was worth it. I wondered if "love" was all that I thought it was. I didn't understand how I was to be expected to love, love, love, and only be returned what seemed to be emptiness.

This all came to a climax, and then I realized, that I have been on the other side of every one of those feelings before. I have been loved by someone and taken advantage of that love, I have been loved and never showed a true act of love in return, I have had someone who loved me enough to promise to always be there when I needed them and turned away from that person time after time...

and you may ask, "Who are all these people that have loved you that you never loved in return?" I reply, "It is only one person...Christ." For Jesus Christ, my Savior, has looked out for me along every step I've ever taken, He's been there when I was down and needed someone to pour my heart out to, He's been there when I felt betrayed and alone, He's been there...time, after time, after time...and I've turned Him away so many times.

There is a book of the Bible called Hosea. In summary, it has only two characters, and I feel like I have learned now how to play both. The two parts are a husband and his wife, who is a prostitute. His wife leaves him time and again, returning to the pleasures of the world only to be sold into slavery, but her husband buys her back every time. He truly forgives her and continues to love her unconditionally. So many times, in my relationship with Christ, I've played the part of the prostitute. Turning my back on the one who loves ME unconditionally in favor of the temporary pleasures that this world offers me.

I realize now that all the times I have loved and been hurt for the good I've done I've been shown a picture of how my Savior, Jesus Christ, feels each time I hurt Him, and I thank God for all the times that I felt down...all the times I felt like I got a bum deal...I thank Him for showing me how much more infinitely He is able to love me in return.

Thank you, and God bless.